Recently, Dr. Laura Schlessinger has come under fire for using the N-word on her syndicated radio show. To be honest, I don’t like Dr. Laura. I don’t listen to her show. The few times I’ve heard her, she has struck me as a complete idiot. The fact that she feels the need to give up her radio show because she was stupid enough to say the N-word (on the air, 11 times), that just makes me happy.
But I’m not here to talk about Dr. Laura. I’m here to talk to white people about the use of the N-word. First, I am white, but I have been married to a black woman for the last 21 years. We have two children, and we go to a mostly black church. Also, my best friend (and former roommate and best man at my wedding) is black. Possibly, this gives me a unique perspective.
Before I go on, I want to lay a little background. There are two versions of the N-word: N-word pronounced with an R and N-word pronounced with an A. N-word with an R is a derogatory term for black people. Always has been. Always will be. N-word with an A is a relatively recent thing, probably from the last 20 years or so. N-word with an A is a term of endearment that some black people use to refer to each other. How is this distinction important to white people? It really isn’t, but it does help in an argument I’m going to make later, so just bear with me.
The other morning in the shower I had sort of an epiphany. It dawned on me that my entire life, white people have been adopting black vernacular. I don’t know when it started, but I do know it’s been happening pretty much as long as I can remember. All I know is that when I was in Elementary School, there started to be black people on TV, not just singing or dancing or playing sports, but shows starring and about black people, like the The Flip Wilson Show and Sanford and Son. And at about the same time, all of the kids in my mostly white school started saying things like the “The devil made me do it” and “Watch it sucka.” I was one of them. Since then, there have been dozens and dozens of others, from “Dyno-O-Mite” to “Whatcha talkin’ about, Willis” to “What up dog” to “Foshizzle.”
Let’s face it, black people just talk cooler than white people, and for years, white people have been talking like black people to seem more cool. Can you blame us? This brings me to my shower epiphany. N-word with an A is the one word in all of the black vernacular that white people can’t say, and for some reason, it really bothers a lot of white people. I don’t think it’s on purpose. I don’t think that a bunch of black people got together and decided, “Hey, let’s all start calling each other the N-word with an A, and it’s going to drive white people crazy, because we’ll be able to say it and they won’t.” It just worked out that way.
White people have been talking like blacks for so long, that we feel like it’s our right, and maybe it is, but that still doesn’t make it okay to say the N-word. I do have a suggestion for all of the white people who really want to be able to say the N-word. There’s another word, cracker pronounced with an R. It’s a derogatory term for white people. I suggest that white people who feel the need to use the N-word start calling other white people Cracka (pronounced with an A) as a term of endearment, as in, “Gimme some love, cracka“ or “Cracka, please.”
Further, since there is still so much confusion, so I’ve included following:
Frequently Asked Questions for White People on the Use of the N-Word
Why can black people say the N word and I can’t?
They just can.
Why?
At the risk of using rather specious logic, because that’s the way it is.
That’s no answer.
You’re right, but that’s the answer anyway.
Is it ever okay for me to use the N word?
No.
What if I pronounce it with an A?
Still No.
What if I’m just trying to illustrate a point?
Oh, that’s entirely different– No.
What if I have a lot of close black friends?
At this point, I’m going to ask some questions of my own. How many of these close friends have you had over to your house? Or been to theirs? Or had a meal with? Potlucks at work and sharing a table at the company Christmas party don’t count. Have you met and know the names of their spouses and/or children. Or have they met and know the names of your spouse and/or children. Do you know their phone number without having to look it up, or have it in your cell phone for nonwork-related reasons. Have you ever been out to dinner with them? Or to a movie? Shopping? A ball game? If you can’t answer yes to at least two thirds of these questions, they’re probably not as close as you think.
Okay, maybe not a lot of black friends, but some.
Good for you. The answer is still no.
I do have one really good black friend, and I want to call him the N word with an A as a term of endearment.
Okay. If he was white, would you still be worried about finding a term of endearment?
No, that sounds kind of gay.
There you go.
Let’s say the whole Cracka with an A thing catches on. Would it be okay for a black person to say Cracka?
Good question. I would say No. If a white person can’t say the N-word, then a black person can’t say the Cracka. Fair is fair. Then again, realistically, no one is going to start saying, Cracka.
I do have a very good black friend. Would it be okay if I called him Cracka and he called me the N-word with an A?
Hmm, it would be kind of dumb, but okay.
I don’t care what you say. I’m going to use the N-word anyway. What do you think of that?
It’s a free country.
If I use it when there aren’t any black people around, what’s going to happen?
Possibly, nothing, but more likely dirty looks and most people are going to think you are an A-word hole.
You don’t think some people are going to admire me. For my courage?
Some might, but not for your courage, and trust me, you probably don’t want these people admiring you.
What if I use it in front of black people?
Probably, you’ll get your a-word beaten like a set of snare drums at halftime of a Morehouse game.
What about Dr. Laura?
Cracka, please.